Bye-Bye Grapes

In the beginning, there were milestones, and those milestones stretched before us in a neat and tidy checklist of What to Expect anticipation. “At five to six weeks your baby may smile!” And so we waited…and analyzed the latest nasal twitch…and then one day, there it was! He smiled! It happened! It’s a baby miracle! I was not aware before having a child that you can watch someone almost roll over for months on end, but you really, really can! Everything feels a little slow motion. In reality, babyhood is clipping by like you’re at the races with the winning horse and then it’s over…but in the moment there’s much waiting and watching.

Enter toddlerhood…I can’t wait on anything and there’s nothing to watch for because it’s all happening rightthisverymomentallatthesametime! I can’t keep up! That adorable thing that he did where he responded “KAYYYYYY” to everything you said? It was cute and now it’s over! What was that thing that I meant to write down the other day that made me laugh until I was gasping? I don’t know, because 12,000 things have happened since then! I’m always searching frantically for the video camera only to just miss that one thing he did that needed to be recorded for all posterity. What if I forget about “dance party!?” How he says “ohhhh daddy” like a little british hobbit when Mathew tickles him. The way he mimics that thing Elmo does with his arms before he asks a question. How about the way I heard that tiny little voice say "love you" after I turned out the light and closed the door last night? What about the way he greets and says bye-bye to all of the food items in the grocery store? “Bye-bye grapes!”

I guess those things that slip away so fast are always replaced by something else that is amazing in that moment…I just wish that you could hoard everything from this moment too. Would there be something sooo wrong with an 18 year old that says a cheery farewell to the produce? It’s bittersweet, this parenting…

"It's Broke"

An exchange between me and Isaac, in the car, during our journey through Mordor (or from Hoover to Gardendale if you want to be more geographically correct and less dramatic):

Me (in aside to myself): I knew that I should not have given you that tiny package of graham crackers that you spied with your laser cat eyes. See…now you have consumed the entire graham cracker ration, just as I feared, and are screaming for more. I don’t have more “cackers” nor any of the “Water! Water!” that you are trying to convince me is needed to avoid some sort of cracker induced medical crisis.

Isaac: CACKER!!!!!! WATER!!!!!!!!!! CACKER!!!!!!!! ***kicks seat, flails arms like the wacky inflatable arm flailing man, hurls Monkey and Dog toward the windshield with 90's crash test dummy flair.***

Me: Why don’t we turn the radio off and sing a little song?

Isaac: Glares

Me (in my customary well-meaning yet execrably off-key rendering): Can you tell me how to get…how to get to SESAME STREET?! Sunny Days…chasing the… clouds away…

Isaac (in perfect deadpan, pointing to the radio): It’s broke.

Me: (Turns radio back on)

Mommy Dearest

I wrote this post on May 16 and OOPS! forgot to post it, so it is woefully out of date...It doesn't matter in the least since this blog is solely for me and my one other reader, but I just wanted it noted for the record...

Something happened in the past week that I clearly see as the end for me. Isaac transitioned from saying mama to mommy. There have always been a few things that have reliably saved him from certain and swift discipline. The first, is when his hair is sticking straight up in seven different directions. I cannot look at that ridiculous, Edward Scissorhands hairdo and come down on him with the stern hand of judgment. I just can’t. The second, is his too darn cute impish “I know that I’m bad, but I know that I’m cuter” grin. Ok, you got me. This, though, is more than my doughy mommy heart can overcome. Who knew that changing one syllable in a word could have such an effect? Mama was of course, still sweet, and always welcome in dialogue, but there was one caveat. Isaac’s verbal interpretation of the word mine came out sounding just like mama, and so for about one week I thought the sweet boy was saying, “mama, mama, mama” and he was actually exhibiting bratty possessiveness over the stray banana on the table, any toy belonging to any person, and more broadly speaking, anything in his direct line of vision. The recent switch to mommy, however, can so far not be confused with any other word and has been accompanied by pointing directly at me and gazing into my eyes. It.Is.The.End.

In other news, it has been quite some time since I have undertaken this with any zest, and will probably be some time yet before I try it again, so here’s a quick rundown of the past year. Walking – check! Running – check! Chasing the dogs full tilt with maniacal laughter and squeals of delight – check! One set of extremely disgruntled dogs – check! Dancing, high fives, low fives, clapping, stomping, talking, animal noises, and recognition of all body parts sans elbows – check! He loves to roar like a dinosaur and say “CAAAA-DOOO” for a rooster. His new favorite obsession is blowing “bumbles”. He loves the plastic container that the bumbles come in, the bumble wand, and the actual bumbles. He loves to pop the bumbles and drink the bumbles. His other favorite activity is by far reading, and he will sit and “read” to himself now if we are otherwise occupied.

Also, Isaac is in a long-running relationship with one of his classmates at daycare. It was love at first swapped paci and has now progressed to a level of seriousness we are not quite prepared for. The teachers alerted me to a certain nap time situation. Apparently, the girlfriend was coming over to Isaac’s cot and he was lifting his nap mat cover so that she could climb in with him. Really?! Luckily, she is a charming girl and I wholeheartedly approve, but I’m going to need for them to slow down to a respectable level of toddler appropriateness. There was also a story circulating that after seeing her shoe get stolen by a fellow classmate, Isaac ran over, tackled the classmate, and retrieved the shoe for his love. He’s nothing if not chivalrous!

And Just Like They All Said...

The good news is: My child loves me! The bad news is: I cannot leave his sight! Just as the books, the daycare teachers, my mother, Dr. Spock, and basically the entire child rearing community warned, separation anxiety has begun…

I cannot tell a lie. I have had it relatively easy up until the last month or two. Isaac has been the happiest, most well adjusted, fully sleep scheduled baby I could ask for. Mathew and I would sit and marvel at his angelic demeanor and cherubic smile. A few weeks ago, however, it happened. I left the chubby little cherub with his father to run to the bathroom. No sooner had I rounded the corner than I heard the ear piercing wails and the earth shattering cries of “UMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Again, I cannot tell a lie. It made me feel good to know that someone wanted and needed me and was upset when not graced by my presence. Like all good things, though, the novelty is now gone, and the wails have turned into full fledged Dragon Baby tantrums. The distance that I can safely travel has also changed. Before, I had to be completely out of sight. Now, I can be in the same room, but not holding him in a forward facing position with direct eye contact, and oh the terror!

Interestingly, none of this happens when I leave him at daycare. I can barely give him a kiss goodbye before he is crawling maniacally toward another baby (victim) or toy (soon to be unrecognizable plastic heap). This is a good thing, though, and speaks volumes about the unparalleled quality of the daycare. I really wish that I could spend my days there, and probably couldn’t care less who was leaving me or when they were coming back.

Isaac’s latest developmental milestone has been standing alone! He has been standing holding on to objects and furniture for a few months, but just started letting go last week. There is a collective gasp every time he weebles and wobbles, but luckily God (or Luv’s) was on it when they designed diapers, and the extra booty padding really breaks the fall. I know what comes next and I am in no way prepared for it. I really pushed the crawling and later realized there was no reason for that, so we are taking a very laid back approach to walking. Isaac doesn’t do anything in a lackadaisical manner, so once it’s on, it’s ON. I have begun research on running shoes and plan to begin my endurance training Monday. Someone once asked Sarah Jessica Parker how she stayed so skinny and toned. She swore that the only exercise that she got was taking care of her son. I thought she was a total cracked out liar at the time, but I now see that parenting done right can definitely come with a new set of calf muscles. I am still pretty certain that my abs will never be recovered from the wreckage, but baby chasing does have definite benefits for other, less s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d body parts.

Movin' and Shakin'

As promised, it has been approximately 6 months since my one and only update. I’ve decided I really like the novelty of having a blog, but not so much the updating of the blog. I have realized the absurdity of how fast Isaac is growing and changing, though, and I know I need to document regularly so I will have something to tear up over when I am old and in the home. I have already been told that sons do not visit or bring the grandchildren after they put you in the home, so I will need something extra to get me through the Canasta tournaments.

Moon Man has recently acquired mobility. I cannot express how excited we were that first day of crawling…How we cheered him on and took 27, 000 videos of what looks like a very small, very inebriated Frankenstein. Those tiny little arms going all the way up in the air before being brought back down for the next forward progression. That was the first day...There have now been many subsequent days of Olympic speed crawling to the dog food bowls, the one electrical socket with a Plug In instead of a baby proof cover, the choking hazard mini-blind cords of doom, the all glass baker’s rack of certain dismemberment, the tumbleweed of dog fur careening through the house. His mobility is never aimed towards, oh say, a toy…or a soft fluffy baby blanket…or my loving mother’s embrace. In accordance with this exciting new development, Isaac has also re-scheduled his bedtime an hour and a half later, so as not to miss any possible excitement before mommy collapses in a tired, sad heap on the couch. It truly is pure joy to watch him crawl to the dishwasher, pull up, and laugh riotously at the curious baby who always seems to be hanging around in the door, and the oven for that matter! It’s just so exhausting to pull him off the door before it collapses on him and requires first aid intervention.

Isaac has also started saying “dada” and “mama” and seems to attach the correct meaning to them most of the time. Dada is definitely the favored word of the month and is more likely to be used liberally and for a great variety of things. He told a Melville-esque LONG story about “dada” the other day with more inflection and gusto than your average radio announcer. “Mama” is interchanged with “Uma” quite regularly and is usually screamed rather than said. For example, yesterday I was late fixing a bottle and little man was becoming irate at the delay in his afternoon activities of pulling chunks of fur out of Jem and trying to topple the pack and play. He threw himself down in the middle of the kitchen in obvious utter despair and wailed, “UMA!!!! **sob sob sob** UMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!!! **sob sob sob**. Dada is usually used in times of joy or when Uma is not complying with his demands. It is usually accompanied by gales of laughter and a devilish grin. That’s ok, though. I understand. 9 months of growing, nurturing, coffee reducing, alcohol eliminating misery and two hours of pushing really can’t compete with farting noises :-)

Much Ado About Nothing

You know that the house is a hot FEMA mess and the pantry stocked with approximately two items (more than likely sugar free and therefore inedible) when I go and start a blog...I do this every so often in a last dire attempt to avoid doing something less desirable, like grocery shopping. Something has usually happened to the cable as well, and I am undoubtedly so far gone on library fees that it would be more cost effective to pay to publish someone's book than remedy the situation with Jefferson County. Such is the case this time! Charter On Demand has spontaneously just up and quit working, really leaving me in the lurch on 16 and Pregnant. I am now two episodes behind, and cannot even imagine the tragicially immature, irresponsible behavior and baby daddy drama that has unfolded without me. I have also missed Tim Gunn's home visits with the final four on Project Runway, which is wholly unacceptable.

Anyhow, as I'm sure you have realized from the first paragraph and title of this blog, it will more than likely be wild ramblings about nothing, and then cease altogether when we can find a competent Charter Communications customer service representative. If there is content of any consequence, then it will of course be about the fabulous, amazingly advanced baby extraordinaire, Isaac! Aforementioned baby is now awake and extremely ill with his current situation in the swing with waning batteries, so until next time...Whenever that may be!